Marketing101

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."
-- That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "She's fantastic in bed." --That's Advertising.

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say,"Hi, I'm fantastic in bed." -- That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I?" and reach up to straighten his tie brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." --That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed." -- That's Brand Recognition.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into going home with your friend. -- That's a Sales Rep.

Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you. -- That's Technical Support.

You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated toward the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!" -- That's Spam

Handphone

So 21 months had passed since I last changed my cell phone. Maybe changed isn’t such a good word. It’s more like since someone FUCKING stole my phone. Along with my whole bag and wallet. And when I was showering in the public after a swim, leaving me with my trunks and a towel. But that’s another story for another day. I don’t think anyone would be interested in how I ran around the pool in my trunks looking for the bag stealer.

I have been eyeing that Sony Eriksson W900 thingy with the 3.2 mega pixel cybershot camera with the walkman function. It’s not out yet though. Frankly, the most interesting function of the phone is the MP3 function. I am a sucker for phones that can broadcast MP3 loudly. I am sure most of you people who take public transport often would have encountered bastards who keep on playing their shitty songs over and over again, loudly. I wouldn’t say I despise them. It’s more of a case of the green eyed monster. But God bless them when I get my own dance music broadcasting machine. All their friggin music will of course be drown out by the beats of my eurobeat, eurodance and trance. No more Jolin, no more Jay chou, no more Indian music that I can’t understand.

Actually, I do have a second method that can stop those buggers from playing their music loudly. It’s pretty risky, and somewhat connected to my last post. The secret is to….

Sing along to everything that they are playing.

Seriously, whenever they play some S.H.E or some other crap song, please don’t just sing it. Massacre it! Make sure the song is sung so badly that no one can stand you. It’s even much more fun when you don’t know the lyrics. Better yet, even if you have never heard this song in your entire life! That shouldn’t deter you at all. Who knows, maybe some producer happens to be in the same bus and signs you for an album?




Now this post is pretty much pointless. I am only writing this coz I don’t feel like sleeping.

王力宏 - Kiss goodbye

I am pretty much addicted to this song. I have no friggin idea why, but still I am addicted to it. And I found out about it only recently. But first, a little background story.

So, I was doing this beach party comm service thing with my friends, and we have our own small storage room where we go there to chill and have our meetings. Inside that 5m X 4m room, I can’t stop singing this song. Despite the fact that I only know….well… a max of 5 lines. I don’t know how they put up with me. If I had to listen to a guy singing, I would wish that he can sing properly. And more than 5 lines please.

But, being the considerate guy that I am, I went and use republic poly’s laptop to baidu.com and search for lyrics. Armed with a couple more lines, I went back to the room and kept on singing. They didn’t say anything. Either they are really good at ignoring me, or amazed at my fantastic voice. Frankly, I think they are dead already.

Then back at work, I would go into the storeroom to search for stuff. And you know what happens when you are alone. Yes, you start singing. Maybe it’s just me, but hey, this story is about me. What’s the best part? I think my boss caught me singing.

So yesterday, when I went for dinner at Compass Point, on the way, I decided to hum this tune. True enough 10mins later, I caught myself singing the words out. And I wasn’t the first person who caught me. Holy cows! When I found myself singing, I was already halfway into the mall already. Innocent passersby very likely were traumatized by the sight of a guy singing off tune in public. Complete with clenched fists and agony expression on the face. Hey, don’t blame me!? I have to get into character with the song. It’s called “feeling” ok?





Someday, someone has to bail me out of a mental hospital. It's just a matter of time.

Drama II

Heh heh. Now comes part 2 of the real life drama. Suddenly it's not that exciting anymore. But here goes anyway.

By now, our leading male character is suddenly entrusted with the knowledge that the lady is attached. Somehow, he still cling on to that glimmer of hope.
One day, maybe just that one day that he can change her mind. Although I highly doubt so...





but still, I do hope they can get together. All the best to you.

Conclusion.

Some days, you just feel like a failure for doing the wrong shit at the wrong time.
Some days, you can't help but blame yourself for everything that turns out wrong.
Some days, you are pretty sure that all the wrong that is happening is your own fault that you didn't plan properly.
Some days, you curse and swear at yourself.
Some days, you can't believe the shit that happens.







Today's not one of those days. = )

Drama

He's attracted to her. And She's attached. But he doesn't know. Bx is laughing in gee.
Stay tune while Bx brings you the updates as the story progresses.







Sometimes, I don't understand why people like Korean and Jap drama love serials when there are much more exciting real life dramas. Heh Heh.

At work

Thumb drive
Some of you people might know that I “lost” my thumb drive at work in the recent weeks. And it happens to be a MP3 player that I double up as a thumb drive. Of course I was goddam pissed that I “lost” it. Plus that fact that it is the second thumb drive that I lost since coming to work. The first one was only 32mb one that Singnet gave as a free gift 4 or 5 years ago, but hey, I still do use it occasionally so I was mildy annoyed. The second one was the one that pissed me off the most simply coz I had quite a bit of school related stuff in it. And my techno mp3!

But imagine my surprise when the CC people offered to replace a thumb drive to me. Gosh! Totally unexpected of them. Especially since it’s not their fault (entirely). Granted they wanted to give me a 256mb one in view that my lost thumb drive is a 1gb one. But hey, it’s only 744mb lesser and 4 times smaller!

Right now your sarcasm meter should be going off the scale.

But seriously, I was quite touched when they said they would give me back one. But I was quite sure that I didn’t “lose” it. Simply because there is this old guy with itchy fingers who is working there. Not that I am saying that it is him who took it, but there are strong reasons and past events which led me to believe that he was the one. Even my fellow temp who quitted recently asked me to sneakily go through his cupboard to see if it might have “accidentally” landed in there.

Enough of that. The more I think about it, the more and angrier I get. I decided that I can compensate myself by stealing more office supplies. So don’t be surprise when you see me printing my lecture notes on coloured paper next term, simply because I think they have too much coloured paper there. Or have brand new stationeries. Who knows, maybe I will steal all the toilet paper just to piss them off.

Backstab
Did I ever mention that I love the office politics here? The amount of backstabbing that goes on around here is so bad that I have to be careful so as not to step on the dead bodies on my way to the toilet. With a office of 9 people, the amount of bitching is incredible. I seriously wonder how the backstabbing would be like when I get into the corporate scene. Every chance they get, they will bitch about the old man that I was referring to. Within the first week I was working there, it seems like the old man had already done so many bad things that would be enough to condemn him to the ninth circle of hell. And of course, the old man has his own shares of stories to tell me also. Sometimes they combine forces to bitch about my boss, in tactfully ways, but anyone with half a brain can tell what they really mean.

Being the only remaining temp here means they would try to get me on their good sides, so that they can have someone who will side with them, even if it’s only temporary.
It’s so freaking funny how I pretend to be shocked at their tales of how evil their colleagues are. In fact, I am so shocked that I have to stop whatever work that I am doing and listen to tattle tale go on and on while I think of how to make off with the company’s computer without anyone realizing.

Boss
Someone was mentioning that ever since my boss transferred over to this office, a lot more of the grassroots leaders and members start hanging out in the office. And they attribute it to the fact that my boss is a people person; someone who can communicate well with others and is very friendly.

Fuck sia. The real reason is that my boss is hot, and those perverts likely came by just stare at her.

She’s mine, you hear? She’s mine!!!!!

Business start-up at it's best

I know so many emos that one day I am going to start a business, just selling razorblades to them. Good money.


Too bad I don't think I will get much returning customers.

Excuses, excuses

I must admit, there are a lot of times in life when shit happens I just side step out of the way and let some poor fellow take the bull. Don’t get me wrong. I am not that big of an asshole yet. Many a times, I would shoulder the blame, although usually in those cases, there is no one else for me to point my finger at. But nonetheless, there is always this couple of phrases that I would rely on to make my escape from inconvenient topics or situations.

“I am on diet.”

Ah… most of you should have at one point or another heard me use this one. This is one of my commonly used excuses whenever I don’t feel like eating, or I hate the food. Sometimes, it’s a case of already being too full in the first place.

But hell no. The people eating with me will comment about how skinny I am, or how wasteful it is and how children in Africa are starving and how I am going to hell even if I one day ended up saving the entire population of the globe because of my kickassness, simply because I couldn’t friggin finish my food!

But that is when this handy phrase comes in to save the day. The guys would likely be laughing and joking upon hearing this, while the ladies would give me a sympathetic smile, like they understand the pains of diet. When they hear this, there is an automatic assumption that it’s NOT because I can’t finish, it’s because I had to control myself from eating too much. In fact, I believe this will actually elevate my status as they think I am a fellow dieter. Of course, sometimes, the other extreme happens. Some girls would laugh and joke about what a dumb idea it is for me to diet, but later secretly go to the toilet to check their waistline when people aren’t watching. Whatever happens, it helps to get them off my back.

“I am gay”

This is by far, my favorite and my best excuse. A lot of things in life can be explained simply by gayness. Why did you do projects with guys instead of babes? Because I am gay. Why you don’t consider her as a prospective girlfriend? Because I am gay. Why does Superman wear his underwear on the outside? Because I am……wait, I can’t take credit for this one; Superman is gay.

Seriously try it. It gets you out of many situations by defusing the tension, changing the subject, or arousing interest in the other party. Frankly, the latter is usually NOT recommended, but hey, whatever floats your boat man.

Ever been in situation when you are just sitting down with a group of friends, and your friends try to play match maker? The typical pattern would be that they causally ask why you don’t consider this so and so girl as a potential partner and then try to pair you up depending on your answer. This is a trick question! Especially more so when the “so and so” girl is just SITTING RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE. 2 ways to go about it. Either you be an ass/truthful and tell her straight to the face that you wouldn’t even consider her after plastic surgery, or you can let her down gently by saying my pet phrase. Your choice, but mine saved my ass a couple of times. Who knows, that girl might have babelious friends so that you can “change” your alignment when you feel like it. Of course this can backfire. In the worse ways possible. With someone chionging your ass. Use it with caution.






That’s it for part I. I am shagged out from writing so much. More to come if work is slack later.

Random Rant

Everyday, I play this game called “Let’s arrow the temp”, with me being the leading male character. Sometimes, I do my “siam the arrows” tricks or the “pretend-to-work-while-actually-msning” stunt, or my personal favorite: Roll on the floor and pretend to die.

Hate to say this but most of the time, I don’t win.

There seems to always be something to do, something that is so urgent that I have to stop my current work and have to do instead. Things like taking down a banner, and putting up a new one. Things like opening the letterbox to check for new mail at 10pm in the night. Things like writing a poem for some director guy whom I have never seen in my entire life. Things like going online to search for E-card so that we can wish a leaving colleague all the best in his new job.

Usually, all of that demands that whatever important job that my big boss assigned to be me to be put off temporary to help the CSOs do the stuff that they are supposed to be doing. In fact, work delegated to them, usually ends up on my desk, with me doing all the work, and them taking the credit. Sometimes, when the boss comments on a job well done of my co-workers, they shameless take credit. Right in front of my face some more, which usually has me staring at them in disbelief.

It’s not so much of the credit taking (Read: KS-ing in dota terms) that pisses me off. In fact, I don’t quite give a shit. It’s more of the fact that sometimes, after I finished something, they would attempt to modify it with disastrous results, and still pass it off as their work. Or in some cases, MY work when boss deems it not good enough.

Recently had been tasked with design of a poster for a 5v5 soccer tournament. After I source for pictures and create a masterpiece that rivals the Mona Lisa, the friggin bitch who asked me to help her took my soft copy and edited away most of the good parts and inserted typically CC elements in the posters. Examples include cheesy clip arts from Microsoft word and dull colour fonts. And she killed of a tag line that I thought of to make the poster exhibit a much more lively aspect. The final product is so bad that a kindergarten teacher would have no choice but to give a D- . There is a reason why a lot of young people from my generation ain’t interested in CC or grassroots activities. That is because there is a lot of badly designed posters and banners hanging around the CC. Those promotional materials actually serve to deter people from joining, that I’m pretty sure. The nice of saying it would be… It’s FUCKING BUTT UGLY.





You don’t want to know what’s the ugly way of saying it.

Bored.

1. What time did you get up this morning?
1030

2. Diamonds or Pearls?
Diamonds. According to James bond, Diamonds are forever.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Da Vinci Code. Not a movie person

4. What is your favorite TV show?
Has to be simpsons. Or Malcom in the Middle.

5. What did you have for breakfast this morning?
Didn’t eat

6. What is your middle name?
Bing

7. What is your favorite cuisine?
Nil.

8. What foods do you dislike?
There too much to name

9. Favorite Potato chip?
Jack and Jill. The orange colour one. New ones just kinda blow.

10. What is your favorite CD at the moment?
Must be some techno CD I think. But I like Dan-J’s stuff

11. What kind of car do you drive?
I wish I have one.

12. Favorite sandwich?
Hate Bread

13. What characteristics do you despise?
The same type of people like me. Yes I hate myself.

14. What are your favorite clothes?
Free ones.

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on Vacation, where Wouldn't you go?
Most likely everywhere. Traveling is troublesome. Although there is this Wanderlust that I am currently feeling.

16. What color are your eyes?
Black.

17. Favorite brand of clothing?
Cheap kind.

18. Where would you want to retire to?
My house in Hougang

19. Favorite time of day?
When I am slacking

20. Where were you born?
Singapore KK hospital

21. What is your favorite sport to watch?
Soccer! You get to see random people trying to kick a ball into a net, and run around on a huge field and pretend to have tactics and stuff. Best part is when the crowd pours onto the field and kill all the players.

22. Who do you least expect to send this back?
Blah.

23. Person you expect to send it back first?
blah.

24. Coke or Pepsi?
Hate them both. But I really dislike coke.

25. Morning person or night owl?
None of the above.

26. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share?
No. I am boring.

27. What did you want to be when you were little?
Spiderman. Now that I have grew up, I want to be Batman.

28. What is your best childhood memory?
My mom tied me to a chair and beat my ass off. Hell yea.

29. What are the different paid jobs you have had in your life?
mover, invigilator, call centre, flower boy…etc. Too many.

32. Ever been to Africa??
I watched “God must be crazy”. Twice. Close enough.

33. Ever been toilet papering?
Yes. (Whatever that means.)

34. Been in a car accident?
With my driving skills? Not yet. Soon I think

35. Favorite day of the week?
Friday.

36. Favorite restaurant?
I like kopitiams

37. Favorite flower?
Orchids.

38. Favorite Ice cream?
The MacDonald 50 cents one.

39. Favorite Flavored Coffee?
Kopi-O. No questions about it.

40. Favorite fast food restaurant?
Long john Silver.
Wendy’s

41. How many times did you fail your driver's test?
Once is bad enough.

42. Before this one, from whom did you get your last E-mail?
Must the Beach party people ah.

43. Which store would you choose to max out your Credit card?
Any place with fantastic amps and speakers.

44. Bedtime?
When I feel sleepy

45. Who are you most curious about their responses to this questionnaire
Everyone

46. Last person you went to dinner with?
I don’t have friends.

47. What is your favorite color?
Pink

48. How many tattoos do you have?
Nil. Pain leh.

49. What celebrity would you like to have an affair with?
Jessica Alba!!!

50. What 3 people would you like to have lunch with?
Jessica Alba and her 2 look-alike twins.

Au Revoir

The CC people asked me to write a poem for some director who is leaving. And here's what I came up with (read: google for). Of course I customize it to fit my means. The two below are what I wrote for that bugger whom, i have never met before. And what's the best part? They actually used my poems, and credited it to my name followed by bracketed "Temp Staff". By now PA should have realized what kind of work their temp staff are actually doing in the CC.

Au Revoir

You left on your way.
It doesn't seem fair,
but in the back of my mind,
you will always be there.

You weren't a close friend,
but our paths did cross,
and leaving us now,
is to us a great loss.

We may think of you a little less
with each passing day,
but your strength is something we won't forget,
you have changed us in a way.

Thank you for your courage,
Leadership and more,
Left us now but still forever be,
The *insert name here*that we adore


With the Wind.

The time comes now, to say goodbye.
The years, my goodness, how they fly.

Times of loss aren’t times of ease,
From time to time remember us please.

For sure it was you that shone a light,
and thou dedication, day and night.

The ride with you has been a blast,
good times, but alas, it couldn’t last.

Most truly when we work together.
Our collective earthling nest to feather.

Solving problems joined as friends,
cooperating, to great ends.

And so in closing, one last pen,
Au Revoir! To our dear dear friend.



Pretty good huh? Personally I prefer the second one. The first one made it seems like he died or something.
PS: "Au Revoir" is "goodbye" in french. I added that in to make it look more chim and professional. Kudos to Karen for helping out with the translation!

Hair

My hair has reached a stage where by it's not long nor short. Too short to style, and too long to feel comfortable. Granted my hair grows pretty fast, but this stage of hair growth is still one of the worse. Crap. My friends would know that the reason i prefer my long hair is simply because it's naturally straight somewhat, and there is not much effort that i need to put in to. Just wake up, take a shower and go school. Where by my peers would require half and hour each day in front of the mirror gel-ing waxing and doing god knows what to their hair. And people wonder why their hair conditions sucks. It's because you dumb asses keep on using chemicals and toxic stuff on ur head! That why you need conditioner, moisting cream and blah blah blah to help mantain your hair. And the prices of all this is pretty insane.

Still on the topic of hair, I was walking around today and suddenly there was a strong breeze that came out of no where. And as it blew on my hair, I realized if I still have my long hair, it would make a pretty nice photo. Think of those movie posters and stuff. Overactive imagination maybe, but I would be lying if I say I don't miss that lump of hair on my head. Yea, But I still really really like my short hair. Easier to run, swim and stuff. Basically doing physical games and exercise would be much cooler.

But right now, I am still not going to gel it although it would look 3.65 times better than my present look. Oh, and I have been thinking about cutting my goatee-wannable. It's getting old, this look, but my rationale is that since my hair is short, some other part of my hair has to be longer also mah.





Yes, I am a vain bastard. Just that I don't show it.

Lens

So I got my contact lens today. And they were a pair of bitches I must say.
I always thought it was easy to just put them in, and when i see my peers take them out of their eyes, it seems gross, but simple enough. But hell no. Mine just had to make life diffcult for me.

Don't know about you, but my eyes are rather important to me and hence my unwillingness to go touch them. Then you tend to blink when u feel somewhat threaten, like when u see a big finger trying to insert something into your eyes. I swear I took like half and hour just to get my pair of contacts in. After that then freaking realize that the degree wasn't that accurate then have to wait for some time for the guy to do ajustment.

Taking those pair out was another chore. Seriously. Now i have to touch my eyes and somehow pluck out my contacts. Chunyong was telling that soft lens are harder to take out. I would say soft lens are FRIGGIN hard. Around 12 on the scale of 10. (10 would be equal to getting Jessica Alba to date me)

Despite being such a pain, well, i guess contacts would give me another choice when running. Running with glasses is quite hard especially when it has the tendency to drop all over the place. Thus contacts was supposed to be part of the solution. Until I practice enough, I think contacts would be quite a daunting task for now.


And I freaking forgot to go take the guitar from Choonwee today. Shit lah. I really want to start praticing on my guitar. Maybe that wasn't the right way of phrasing it. Should be start learning how to play one properly. And yes, I am too cheapo to buy one myself. Nor am I going to pay to learn guitar lessons. Little does Choonwee knows that I am not going to return him his guitar. I don't think he cares anyway. Too busy with his world of warcraft I believe.


For the Horde!