Overlord

Ever had one of those days when you feel like punching and kicking the shit out of every single person in the world?

I confess. I have.








everyday.

Power of the Internet

http://www.nygirlofmydreams.com/
Pretty sweet.








If you discount the fact that he could have walked up to her directly and asked for her number that time, instead of pulling a stunt like this.

Hong kong mickey mouse!

The msn artist strikes again.

2/11/07

I am paranoid.





Maybe.

BATS

Classification:

Bats are mammals. Though sometimes called "flying rodents", "flying mice," or even mistaken for insects and birds, bats are not, in fact, rodents. There are three sub-orders of bats:

Megachiroptera (megabats)
Microchiroptera (microbats/echolocating bats)
Monothematic Delusion (Grown men who run around in giant bat suits)

Behavior:

Most bats are only active only at night. Studies have shown that bats make all kinds of sounds to communicate with others. Scientists in the field have listened to bats and have been able to identify some sounds with some behavior bats will make right after the sounds are made. Unfortunately there are certain types of bats who find it hard to communicate even though they are able to speak. Blame it on insecurity or lack of experience (Heh heh). It potentially results in loss of mating partners. The latter species tend to be self and self-centered, commonly referred as jerks-bats.

Predators:

Owls and eagles which hunt at night, are dangerous and the most common predator of bats. Unknown to most people, haughty little princess who spew fire from their mouth are known to torture grown bats to the point that they are extremely submissive. Unfortunately, that certain species of bats willing subject themselves to such punishment over and over again. Sadism, I know. We call those emobats. In fact, emobats are attracted to such punishment in the same obsessive way Michael Jackson is attracted to your 4 year old son. That should give you a rough estimate of the level of insanity that goes through their head.

Everything is true, I swear. Or maybe I should just stop doing my research when I am tired.

He sits at the edge, thinking if he should jump

Batman is emo.

Bat's resolve

I think I am great at this emotional masochism thing. By refusing myself any happiness.



What a sucky thing have competitive advantage in.

Female sense

It has been brought to my attention recently that all women seem to possess a something I dub as female-sense. Yes, they have the uncanny ability to sense whenever a guy is watching her or not. For the guys, I am sure when you do your people watching, sometimes, a girl might catch you looking at her, despite that you weren’t being so obvious (Or so you thought). Not that I look at women that often (I do), but sometimes, I kind of feel like some kind of pervert for just staring a girl.

Guys, just when you think it couldn’t get any worse, here’s where I hit you with shocker number 2. Their special ability to catch us staring, was just the most basic of their female sense. Apparently, there is a more advanced version of female sense, where they have the bloody ability to know if you are looking at their boots. When I heard this from the kamen-geek, I was in total denial, also at the same time thinking “oh crap” (Actually, it was more like, “Oh SHITTTTTTTTTT”)

As a guy, I am expected to be attracted to boots. Sometimes, when I meet someone new, I hold conversation with their boots instead of them. Now you know, why I tell people that I am bad with names and face, even those of pretty girls. That’s coz I wasn’t even looking at their faces in the first place. But gosh, I always thought I was pretty discreet, but heck, with their special ability, I might as well have a telling neon sign over my head. So much for the bright idea of looking through the corner of my eye.

Oh well, I guess it balances out in the end. You ladies have your female sense. Us guys have this thing call guy radar. I will let the ladies try to figure out this one themselves.

Facebook

Don't you just love wasting your life on this? I know I do.

Different folks, different styles

2 Batman pictures, one by me, one by hwang.
Doesn't take a genius to figure out who drew which one.

That day at AMK hub

It's my 100th post on this blog. I think I am supposed to celebrate or something.
Looking back one year, nothing has really changed.

However the main aim of this post is to "park" a space here, so that I wouldn't forget about the funniest shit I have ever heard in a long while....... if she lets me tell it. So, in the event she finally relents and lets me break the news to the whole world, I will be back to edit it.





It is so fun breaking people.

Protection

The post is password protected.
Please do a little dance before the computer to access it.







No really, I mean it.

Skin care tips!

Due to popular request, here I am sharing my secret skincare tips and tricks with my readers. For some unfathomable reasons, there are a truck load of women who thinks that I have great skin (Do note: they always say nice skin, but no one ever says nice face. Like what the..) The trick is a simple one.

Just use shampoo as your soap instead of your $39.90 shower spa thing that you imported from Japan/USA. It works, trust me.

The reason I started using shampoo as soap was mostly due to accident and my lack of ability to understand there is a difference between foam/shampoo/conditioner and the likes of them. Whatever my sisters buy, I will just use them. As far as I am concerned, as long as there are bubbles produced from the “soap”, you are clean. Bubbles = Clean, how hard is it to understand that? And I stuck to this simple formula for years without much problems (yet). I bet I have used conditioner, shampoo, mama lemon and similar products over the years and ended up with “respectable” skin that will put most makeup to shame. There was once I ended up smelling like a watermelon after my shower, due to some mix up and possibly chemical reaction from the unholy union of bar soap and shampoo. But hey, you got the end results you want. So yea! Don’t forget to thank me when your boyfriend or girlfriend compliments you next time. Buy me some mooncakes if you are feeling sincere.

I am kidding. I should be the last guy anyone would ask for skincare advice. My knowledge of shampoo can easily be summarized into 2 lines.

1. Head and Shoulders kill dandruff, and should be the only brand you will ever need.
2. They hurt like fuck when it gets into your eyes.

As requested

Someone's been complaining that I haven't updated for a while. So here you go, an awesome picture of Batman and Robin (Jason Todd) from the classic, A DEATH IN THE FAMILY.



I have got to do something about my obsession with Batman.

Remember..

Last week I promised an article on why I never apologize, offering an insight into the mind of a deranged genius.





Sorry ah, will get it out soon.

Smile

People tell me that I don’t smile enough.

Guilty as charged.

It’s true, unless you are a pretty lady or I happen to strike 4D on that day, or else you can pretty much give up hope on me smiling at you. If you are lucky, I might give you a sneer, but that’s as far as I go. But that’s when I am with friends. You guys never see me when I am alone. (If I am alone, then there will no one around to see me!? Duh! Note to self: Some logic please.)

Sometimes when I am downstairs buying dinner, I can’t help but snicker when I recall silly things that people have said or done in my presence. Then I will smile at no one in particular, or sometimes at the hawkers. No wonder the auntie at the tomyam stall always give me extra sotong. Must be my award winning smile. Which could potentially explains why her husband is in permanent bad mood.

Why the reluctance to smile? I have no idea, so I am just going to make up some explanations that hopefully will divert your attention long enough before you realize that I am not making sense, exactly the way this sentence has just did and if you are slow reader, that’s what it’s going to do. And do remember boys and girls, just because I made it up, doesn’t make it wrong.

Back to the real reason, it’s because it signifies a commitment to smile next time to the same person you smile at previously. Say, you smiled at some bugger today, if you meet her at school again the next day, what would you do? There are only two reasons for that, either she can’t get enough of you and is stalking you, or she just happens to be in the same school as you (DID YOU REALLY EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT?) Anyway, if you smiled yesterday and you didn’t today, prepared to get hit with a shitload of questions like “Are you feeling ok?”, “You angry/emo today huh?”or “Oei, you still owe me five bucks leh.”

Another reason is because…. I am going to end this suddenly because someone shot my muse. Yes, I do realize this doesn’t make any sense, but I am not in a good mood, I can say anything I want and just apologize later.

Oh, do look out next week for my article on why I never apologize.

You deserve a medal

Congrats. You managed to break me.

Chocolate Talk

Lewis and me were lamenting over the state of the world in recent times over a cup of hot chocolate at Starbucks. The hostage situation, and Korea’s dilemma, the political unrest and breakdown of subprime in the world’s most powerful nation, the upset of balance in the world’s religion and the consequences that we all have to bear.

And women.

No men’s talk is ever complete without women. Heck, I bet no one reading where wants to know our view on other topics except the last one. In fact, we never did talk about the other topics.

Thus we came to talk about our women related troubles. Who loves who and who doesn’t loves who. And we came to the conclusion that with woman, it would be much better if we live like cavemen. See a girl you like? Take a club, knock her out and take her home. Of course in this civilized world, one can no longer do that. Plus, what if you hit her too hard on the head? Who’s going to cook and clean the house if she becomes an idiot?

Here’s the kicker though. My good man here suggested that instead clubbing them over the head, there’s this wonderful substance call alcohol which although is slightly more expensive would have the intended effect as well as being legal (I think). No doubt an excellent idea, but I guess in the name of public safely, I have to warn the ladies about this bud of mine. So women, next time this buddy of mine offers you a drink, think twice.

There you go, proof that you don’t need alcohol to say amazingly stupid things. Now I just pray that I don’t get sued for being sexist.

What are the aims of playing Mahjong?

1. To win

Granted someone as poor as me would be quite inclined to play mahjong in a mad bid to enjoy and to earn some pocket change as well. And of course I love the thrill of winning other people’s money. Hey, I even consider making it my part time job. Inspired by some of my friends who win shit loads of money on a regular basis, I would most certainly like to do that. Pat claims that he didn’t had to draw money for one year from an ATM, because he wins so enough to cover his daily expenses. Some where like 1k per weekend. Pocket change my ass.

2. Socialize

It’s a 4 player game, and of course you will have to talk to people. Aside from the occasional “pong” and “hu”, most likely you will end up about talking about a lot of other things, like soccer, girls and stuff. You know, just talking and laughing with your friends.

Yup, basically it’s those 2 main things people like about mahjong.

Not me. I just have to be different. In fact, I had no idea that I had picked secret option number 3.

3. Lose shit load of money consistently

Been down on my luck recently and I think I would be able to afford a down payment for a car if I hadn’t lost that much. Granted, it’s would only be a Cherry QQ, but heck, it’s still a car. (You know what they say about QQs, If you take a stone to throw at the QQ, your loss is much greater than the car owner. Your loss being the stone. Seriously, try to file a police report that your QQ was stolen. I give you 20 bucks if the policeman doesn’t burst out laughing)

I always took any mj losses as recreational money. Most of the time, it’s cheaper than a meal outside or a movie for 2. But holy shit, this time it is becoming more and more disgusting. Now I know how Kee felt the other time, when Neo with his red underwear wiped him clean. Sounds damn wrong, but heck, I can’t be bothered to press backspace to change it. Now that I got the image of Kee being wiped by Neo’s red underwear burned into my head, I guess I will never look at him the same way again. Brrrr….

But hey, don’t get me wrong. I love the game and I love the company. All my buds that I played with recently, all of them are awfully nice. And I guess I must say that I adore the Fa Cai and the mj cake that that I got. I would post pictures, but seem to be possessed by sloth of the sins. Sucks to be you then.

Just wait, I will be back.

I might be bias,

But heck, this is the BEST muffin in the world!