Muse

Unknown to most people, I worry quite a lot. I know most people whom I know, think I am all smiles. Especially the people in the office seem to always ask why I keep smiling when I reach my desk. Not that I am trying to put up a front or something, but I honestly enjoy going in to work every day. Sometimes when I have issues at work, or maybe some requests are more interesting to handle, I even get excited. Especially since if I am the only one who is handling it. It makes me feel like I am really working and earning my keep.

There are a couple of things keeping me awake at 3 in the morning.
Firstly, health related issues. Lately a colleague of mine had a scare, which she has to possibly remove her womb if there are cancerous cells detected. Thankfully, it was nothing serious. But then I keep thinking about girlfriend and family. I kept thinking what will happen if something bad like that happens to the people I love. I would imagine that girls in general, would feel incomplete if the organ which defines them as a woman is gone and their right to motherhood is denied by something beyond their control. I find it scary if it is to happen to my girl. However, since that time I thought about this issue, I decided I would have to abandon the olden conservative ways of thinking about family. Some Chinese, or rather most traditional Chinese families want their male child to bear children to continue to family line. I would imagine some men, would leave their spouse or girlfriend for someone healthy. But not me. I can never do that.

If something really happens to girlfriend, or even something happened to me, and we can’t have children, I would guess adoption is still an option to us. I can’t profess to love kids, but I think children complete a family, a way that no pet can. Modern thinking has lead to people keeping dogs or cats and treating them like a child. I like cats, yes. But not to that extend. Similarly, I am worried about my sisters. I heard someone told me before that a friend’s cousin contacted something similar when she was only 20 years old. My sisters are around that age.

But if fate really gave us a bad hand, I already worked out a plan of sorts.
Any operation or consultation would need money.
With my current (lack of) savings, I doubt I can afford any medical treatment.
Sorry to say, but I think will borrow money from a few selected friends if need be. I figured, any treatment would cost on the upwards of 10grand, and I am prepared to work hard to get that sum of money. Or if I cannot, there is always cash line loans from banks. Interest payment is only a secondary concern compared to health matters of girl and family.

I know it’s silly or even overly ambitious of me to be thinking about this, but I am aiming for a management role after a year. If I can get that, I sincerely believe these monetary issues would be somewhat settled.

This brings to another concern, my work. Work is fine in general, sometimes though, I feel overshadowed by my team mates, yet at times, I seem to be doing just fine. Guess they say, sometimes, it just ain’t your day. A huge mark against me, would be my dismal IPPT results, which results in remedial training on Tuesday and Sunday due to start in December. Sunday is of no worries, but Tuesday night would affect my work due to the timing. Of course I am not pleased about this, but who can I blame but myself? This is why I have decided to sign up for a gym membership, likely with California fitness very soon. Comparing the cost, it is really attractive and I believe it would greatly aid in my training. Moreover, if girlfriend decides to sign up together, we can go for classes together on the weekend. Girlfriend claims that she is getting fat, which I disagree, but I do think it would be great if she exercises more. To her credit, she has been jogging in the nearby park these weeks, and I am extremely proud of her for her effort.

Girlfriend seems to be very troubled. I think the fact that we are working different hours is still very hard for her adjust. Not that she is sticky, but just maybe we are used to seeing each other often after work, especially since we work in the same building. Especially compounded by the fact that girlfriend doesn’t have much hobbies compared to me.

For me I do a bit of light reading if I can’t sleep, or surf online for stuff, or do the occasionally Dota game from time to time. Sometimes I plan. Or plot. Haha. I am just kidding. Sometimes I just wonder about stuff. About property prices or I daydream about winning the lottery. I don’t approve of gambling, but with ten million dollars at stake, I guess I can forsake my principles (and ten bucks) for a shot at that collective sum of money. Sometimes i think about stupid things to cheer girlfriend up. I know my biceps aren't bigger, but I just want to make her smile. Sometimes i say silly things like that.

I think there are some issues we have to settle, but I am glad, despite the problems we went through; we still have something concrete that no one can take away. You know, I used to think about my future.




Now I think about our future.

Worried

Heard what happened to zlyn.

Now I am worried about the people around me. Sigh.

Wee Lee

I remember the day when I wanted the garden to make it big.



I think it's time to go back to the dream.

Perm.

I don't know why
But it seems like, I kinda need a new goal in life.
For those who don't know yet, congratulations to myself for landing a perm job at the current company.
Granted, it was the only aim that i wanted when I was doing contract there. But now that I have achieved that singular task which I aimed for since the first day at work, I now feel a unprecedented feeling of being lost. Always told the girlfriend that one have to aim for something in life. Now is my turn to ponder about what's next to aim for. Million and one things I want to achieve.
Baby steps they say.


Meanwhile, I can't wait for the next payday! =)
Promised myself, that I will spend the entire amount.
Sounds crazy, but I think I deserve it. Ha!

Not sure if I can do that though. I always hesitate whenever spending money, except for when it comes to Family (Including Girlfriend) and food. To be honest, I haven't saved much during my contract days, and now that the contract has come to an end, it's time to start my commencement (In true SMU spirit) onto the next step of my life.


Life is interesting. It's up to us to make it even more happening!
Cheers!


Random thoughts as I write down my post for a very very long time. Will update more.


By the way, as I read some of my posts in my younger days, I kinda smiled to myself.
How immature was I at that point of time? I know 3 years down the road, I will still smile to myself and think that I was immature. Ha.



Boys will be boys.

put on a smile on your face...make the world a better place!

I concur
=)

Too cute

Love

You are my 1 and only,
2 of us are so perfect for each other.
3 simple words, I love you,
Our love last 4ever.
We will have 5 kids,
by having lots of 6 in the future!
I am like 7-11, always open for you.
And I would never ting you in mahjong, so that you would always 8!
My love for you is Chang chang 99,
10 ways are not enough for me to say I love you.

Job Hunter

I guess I am not the only one.
But still, not having a stable job is really hurts. I know a million people are out there, in the same position as me, but in this case, misery does not love company.



Sounds depressing now, but I think I will pick myself up and walk on.
The future is waiting. Our future.



On a totally different note:
Battle for the cowl!

2009

Wanted to pop in and write something as there are a million and one things i want to write before I forget.

But I guess everyone knows by now, that this is the single most important thing that has happened during my period of leave from this blog.






Another time then. Cheers.